Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I think my mum's birthday is coming.
Well, my 2nd sis asked me to be home this friday to cut the cake

I snapped back,
i wont be there i've got work
noone told me in advance
i dont even think i can turn up

She continued, you can just cut the cake and go

I didnt retreat,
my schedule is fixed

I'll tell mummy to leave a slice for you then

I feel so utterly angry with myself.
Why am i so useless. I am never determined and i am always so unsure of myself.
I cant do great things and i am a complete failure.

Love, studies, everything

A single sentence that anyone mutters can change my goal
or my thinking towards it

Its so simple
and i feel so vulnerable

YET i go around telling people my sorrows whenever they allowed me to pour out unto them

MY GOD.
what the fuck is wrong with me?
I feel so tired
so sick of everything

I even started thinking of how it's like to be smoking
and i cld visualize it

gosh
i really need to be strong now

i feel so tempted to want to lean on some person
but the only person i want to lean on isnt exactly very suitable

i know i will fall on the floor
and we both die together

sigh

sigh
i am just afraid my depression is getting a grip on me again
paranoid ler

haiz
die le die le
must give myself a mental reboot

so when can i finally stop fighting and just start living?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

8:23 PM

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